Feeling Unsure, Insecure, Or Unconfident? Do This - With Anese Cavanaugh

Anese Cavanaugh has been successfully helping people for over 10 years. Business leaders are becoming more switched on to the power of energy in our relationships and Anese has been helping people to understand the impact that their energy has on people around them, and aiding them take control of the energy that they put out. By controlling our physical, mental and vibrational energy, not only can we build better relationships, we can be more creative and efficient in business.

In This Interview You’ll Learn...

  • 04:30  What Anese teaches and its impact
  • 13:45  How Anese explains IEP to doubters
  • 18:30  Internal and external energy and how to control them
  • 22:25  Why leadership is more that a set of skills
  • 32:17  How and why Anese started out
  • 41:25  How to shift our energy state
  • 44:10  Why ‘intention’ and ‘decide’ are two big words for Anese
  • 50:50  Anese’s live event and a special offer for The Foundation

Downloads

Show Notes

Podcast transcript:

Starting from Nothing – The Foundation Podcast
Guest Name Interview – Anese Cavanaugh
Introduction: Welcome to Starting from Nothing – The Foundation Podcast, the place
where incredible entrepreneur show you how they built their businesses
entirely from scratch before they knew what the heck they were doing.
Andy: Welcome everyone to another episode of Starting from Nothing, The
Foundation podcast; Andy coming at you from Boulder, Colorado. Today, I’ve
got Anese Cavanaugh back on the show me with today. She came on about a
year-and-a-half ago and we did a really cool podcast around what she calls
Intentional Energetic Presence, IEP.
Anese is the creator of the IEP method as well as a leadership and
collaboration advisor, strategist, and thinking partner for business leaders in
the design service and innovation spaces. She does writing, she does
speaking, she’s a columnist for Inc, and a whole bunch of other really, really
cool things.
Anese, welcome back.
Anese: Hey Andy, thank you so much for having me back. Hi everybody!
Andy: I’m stoked to have Anese back because we’re sitting here and we’re talking
about what could be a really charged, fun, exciting topic. What we came up
with was how to show up in your life fully when things aren’t going so well.
When you’re going through the wringer, and I think you all know what that
means, where things just seem to keep hitting you and you keep hitting brick
walls, or you just get faced with challenge after challenge after challenge,
how do you continue to show up every single day in the way that you want to
intentionally with the energy and with the presence that you want to have,
and how do you become that type of person that does that and that can
weather even bigger storms than what you’re dealing with right now.
It feels like such a beautiful time to be talking about this as we’re rolling into
the New Year soon and thinking about how do you want to be and who do
you want to be in 2016. Anese and I both had some pretty intense years over
the past 12 months which we’ll get to in a hot minute. But that’s going to be
the topic that we go first.
Anese, where should we start?
Anese: Well, I wrote a book.
Andy: She wrote a book. We’ll get to that in a little bit.
So Anese has had one of those years where everything kind of -- Can I go into
this a little bit? Are you cool if I give some highlight?
Anese: Sure. Yeah.
Andy: A crazy year where she had to publish a book, she moved four times over the
course of a year. She completed a marriage. And all of this has happened in
the past 12 months. And at the same time she’s writing a book, teaching
leaders how to have intentional presence when times are tough and when
they’re in the crisis of leadership and she’s going through all of this at the
same time.
Anese, give us a little window. Tell us a little bit about what the past year has
been like for you with so many intense situations happening at once.
Anese: Yeah. I will say it has been the most intense year and it’s also been the best.
I’m sure you can relate. And anybody in here that’s gone through, like, the
stuff that -- when they keep hitting the wringer, if you can stay in it, it’s super
intense and it’s painful in the moment. But when you get through it and you
can look back, you realize it’s one of the most important years that could
have possibly happen to you.
So I had, let’s see, got the book and started writing the book. I was super
excited about that; took my business global this year and over the last 18
months. I’m going to extend this a little bit from 12 to 18 months. So over the
last 18 months took the business global, took it over to Asia, and London, and
did a bunch of that.
Did complete a marriage, and I do refer to it as ‘completing a marriage’
because I found that the word divorce just didn’t -- it never felt good to me
and it wasn’t a really good representation of, like, the magic of those 18 years
in that relationship. So complete the marriage. Full-time mama, wrote the
book, did a lot of stuff, and we did.
I moved a couple of times. I did the thing where, you know, trying to figure
out where we were going to land. A little bit like goldilocks. Like “Oh, this is a
little bit too small, this is a little bit too big.” Anyway, now landed in the final
place but it was super intense. It was a super intense year but I wouldn’t
trade it to for anything because it was super important.
The gift of it was that it challenged me to really -- As I was writing the book,
and I’m writing about the IEP method and I’m writing about how it impacts
cultures and business and relationships. It’s not just about your culture and
your business. It’s about your culture, your relationship with yourself, your
relationship with the people in your lives, your family, your friends.
And so as I was writing it and I’m putting these principles down on paper, I
was also being a challenge, more than ever, to really see, like, could I walk my
talk? The gift of it was there were things that I didn’t even realize in the IEP
body would work that were going to be essential to my success this year now
that [unclear 00:05:11] and it also brought in the body of work because I’ve
learned so many other ways to integrate it into -- I was at the test case this
year so to speak.
Andy: Totally.
Anese: I got to be my own guinea pig.
Andy: Totally.
Anese: Some things that worked really, really great for me and things that didn’t
work. And then people can claim whatever service from that as well.
Andy: So, let’s talk about this as people are going into a brand new year.
Anese: Yeah.
Andy: Generally with that new sense of energy and completing 2015 and starting
fresh with 2016. But sometimes there’s just residual stuff and sometimes you
go into a year knowing that it’s going to be challenging. I went in to 2015 this
year knowing that it was going to be a pretty intense year.
So when you know that, or when you’re in it, what are the things that people
can do to stay grounded and centered and not getting overtaken by the
intensity of what’s happening to them?
Anese: Yeah. What I found that’s work for me and what I’ve seen work for lots and
lots of people. I mean Andy and I know each other for years and you’ve seen
this work, you’ve read the book. You’ve seen all of it.
Andy: Can I just speak to this for one second, too?
Just the amount of importance that I feel about this type of work because I
just want to share that often -- It’s becoming more acceptable and you’re
seeing a lot more of leaders latched on to this type of work in our world. But
often it feels either ignored or at times people -- depending on how it’s
packaged -- it can sound woo-woo or I think it’s invisible. I think it’s not
visible to the eye and so people don’t notice it as much and they want the
strategies and the tactics like what are the things. But this type of work in my
life has been the core of everything else.
That’s why I continue to do podcast like this with Anese or Julie or anyone
else that you hear me talk about because this work is so important to get
dialed and when you do, so many other things tend to happen. So I just want
to give that disclaimer for anyone who’s listening before we get in to …
Anese: No, it’s so great to build on that, take a step back.
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: Like if we talk about what this work actually is because we’re talking about
like this magical work.
Intentional Energetic Presence and I call it IEP for short. If you take those
three words apart: you talk about your intention, you talk about your energy,
and you talk about your presence. So the intention is what you want to have
happen, what you actually want to happen. The energy that you bring to the
table and how you take care of yourself so you can sustain yourself through
good things or bad things.
And then your presence is basically how you’re showing up. It’s how present
you are in the moment to your life, it’s how present you are to other people,
it’s how present we are right now in this conversation. It’s my leadership
presence. You know how people experience me. A lot of times your presence
is what people say about you when you’re out of the room. It’s how people
talk about you behind your back. That’s your presence. That’s how you’re
showing up.
So when I look at Intentional Energetic Presence in a nutshell it’s how are you
showing up for yourself in your life and how are you showing up for the
people around you.
Oh, and things I’ve noticed is a lot of times when I get phone calls from
companies or from people, whatever, they want those strategies and those
techniques and, like, “Okay, we want to change culture, I want to be a better
leader, I want to have a better relationship. Give me the communication
model or give me the feedback model or whatever it might be.”
So often it’s not about that strategy or that communication model. Although
those are really helpful, more often than not, it has to do with what we’re
talking about hearing which is the invisible stuff. It’s the intention, energy,
and the presence that you bring to everything that you do.
So, does that kind of help give it a little bit more of a --
Andy: Totally.
Anese: It’s for people -- Okay, cool. And they can also go back and look at our talk a
year-and-a-half ago. I’m sure they can find that on your archives.
Andy: Yup. It’s around episode 60 or so.
Anese: Okay. Alright. So cool. So there is that. Coming back to your question, how do
you show --
I think there’s power in giving yourself full permission. Like being aware, first
of all, of how you’re showing up in your life period. I think it starts with
awareness. To me 70% is awareness. So just being aware of what’s happening
in my life right now and how painful is it, right, or how amazing is it and
giving myself full permission to burn in it. Whether it’s total joy or it’s total
pain, like to burn in it.
I think that’s one of the most important parts of showing up for yourself is
realizing like, “Wow! I’m really scared of the year that’s coming up,” or “I’ve
got this stuff going on and it’s really crappy,” or whatever. Give yourself that
permission. To me that reduces so much of the resistance and we can
process energetically through it so much more quickly and more
authentically, right?
Andy: Yeah. So thinking about the burn. It seems, for me, it’s really easy to talk
about the burn when I’m not in the burn. And then when I’m in the burn I’m
like, “This is so painful and terrible,” and some things are really, really
intense. And I love what you said about not having -- no matter how intense;
even if the joy is that intense. If things are that good, sitting with how good it
is. And when things are that bad, sitting with how bad it is.
What is the difference between just sitting in it and, like, not doing anything
about it or giving up or -- Can you talk a little bit about that?
Anese: Yeah. I’ll share my experience with that.
I’ve done this thing. I’ve learned to do this thing with myself over the last
couple of years where when I’m in the burn and it really, really hurts, I used
to try and get busy and move my way out of and just go “Okay. Yeah, it hurts.
That suck. Let’s move on.” I used to do that but that was -- for lack of a better
word, like a spiritual bypass, right? You’re not really doing the work in it.
And so what I started to do instead was I start to realize that if I skip through
the burn then the burn would catch up to me later and it would be ten times
as bad. I would usually have a negative impact on my kids. I’ve got two kids. It
would show up in a really weird way somewhere else and so I started to learn
that there was beauty in the burn. The more that I could sit in the burn and
experience the pain of it, the more access I had to the joy that was on the
other side of it. Right?
So, what I found is that my ability, and I believe all of our ability, to sit in that
discomfort and to be like, “Oh my God! It hurts so bad. Can barely get out of
bed,” to sit in that and to really be with it and to work through it, that is
directly related to how much joy we can experience on the other side.
It’s kind of like, you know, when you have the flu and you just don’t realize
even how bad you feel and then you get better a couple of days later like,
“Oh my gosh! I feel amazing.” It’s a little bit like that.
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: But the other side of that is, I think, we can risk getting stuck in it and never
getting out of bed. So a little game I’ve learned to play with myself is to sit
and be in the burn and then sometimes give myself a certain amount of time.
So I might say, “You know what, I’m going to be in a really bad mood,” or “I’m
not going to get out of bed for two days,” or “I’m going to give myself full
permission to be pissed off about this for a week or for two hours or
whatever. And I will give myself …” and it’s kind of an intuitive call. “I’ll give
myself an amount of time.” And then that, I found, has been really helpful
because it kind of allow some part of me, some subconscious part of me to
go, “Okay, I can trust that I could sit in the burn and I also trust myself that
when it’s time to move forward I’m going to get into action for it.
Andy: Nice.
Anese: Does that make sense?
Andy: Totally. So you’re giving yourself a window so that the part of your mind that
may not trust fully that you’ll come out of it can relax a little bit. So that you
can go deeper into the experience knowing that it’s not a forever experience.
That it’s temporary.
Anese: Yeah. And it’s making an agreement. It’s making an agreement with myself.
And I might get to that point where my two days is up or whatever, my three
hours is up and it’s like, “Okay, it’s time to shift.” And I might intuitively know
“Actually, no, it’s not. I need a little bit more time.” And so then that’s time
for renegotiation so to speak.
I had something happen when we were doing the whole book and
everything. I had something happen that was really frustrating to me and I
talked to a friend of mine who’s another author. I remember I was dropping
my kids off at school and we’re talking and he goes, “Why? It sounds like
you’re really mad about this.” And I said, “You know, I am. I’m really upset
about this thing.” And he goes, “Okay.”
He goes, “Well, I think you’re going to have to decide, like, how long do you
want to be mad about this?” And I said, “You know, I need 24 hours.” I go, “I
need until tonight at midnight and then I’ll be done.” He started laughing
because he’s like, “Oh, wow, I thought you were going to tell me, like, you
needed a week or …”
I said, “No. I actually know. I know myself on this. I need till tonight at
midnight. And then tonight at midnight I’m going to release it and I’m going
to figure what I’m going to do about it tomorrow.” It was that that gave -- It
was funny, I really didn’t need to limit that night because I gave myself
permission. Just giving yourself permission processes the energy so now you
can move through it.
Andy: I love it. I love it. The burn. The burns are always good, you know. Like if you
look back on your life and all the times and things really burned, most of the
time, on the other side, there’s lessons. It’s been hard to -- Well, the older I
get the more I feel connected to that. Just see knowing that the lessons are
going to come no matter how intent or challenging it is in the moment.
Anese: Yeah, for sure. For sure.
And then being open to and then, again, giving yourself full permission to -- I
think there’s something really interesting about giving yourself full
permission to not have to get out of it, like to not process through. Just give
yourself full permission that allows you to relax and then be able to process
that and be even more receptive to the lessons that are in it.
I think our culture, we put such -- we try and put these containers around
grieving or these containers around what completing relationship means or
containers around -- like all these different pieces. And I think that
sometimes those containers and those structures hurt us more than not
because they set up these unrealistic expectations that your way of sitting in
the burn might be really different than mine, but if I’m trying to hold myself
up to some standard -- You know what I mean? We’re going down some
rabbit holes but --
Andy: Totally. Totally. I love the rabbit holes as long as we can time back to
practicality and on a day-to-day basis what does this actually mean.
Imagining for a second that if you’re a struggling entrepreneur and you’re
trying to get your first company off the ground and you might be working a
full-time job 40, 50 hours a week. And then at nights in weekends you’re at
home experimenting with these different things, trying these different things.
How does this apply to somebody who’s in that type of situation? There’s
times where you just feel stuck or almost helpless or hopeless. How does it
apply to somebody who’s in that position?
Anese: Well, I think, that putting things in place. So if we make it really tactical. I
think putting structures in place to support us is really helpful.
So, for me, I’ve always found ritual to be really helpful. So I had a ritual in the
morning where I would get up, before my kids were up, and I’d make my
coffee and I would write for a little bit, and I would do a little bit of
journaling, or a little bit of meditation. My meditation would probably look
different than yours.
I think everyone’s got their own -- I think it’s really important as we’re talking
about this, everyone’s got their own best practices for how to do things but I
think also anchoring in to the question who am I becoming. To me that’s a
lifesaver. So as an entrepreneur, you’re building this company or having a
hard time like your funding’s low, like whatever is happening. I think going
back to the question who am I becoming and what is important about that, to
me that’s fuel. That has always been a lifeline because if I can connect with
that then it helps give perspective around all the other stuff.
Andy: Can you say more about this? This is great.
Anese: So think about that. Yeah.
Andy: Did you ever read Psycho-Cybernetics?
Anese: I have.
Andy: Have you?
Anese: A little bit.
Andy: It’s one of my favorite books.
For those of you hadn’t, it was written by a man who was a plastic surgeon
and he was one of the best plastic surgeons in the ‘80s, I think, it was
published. Is that right? ‘70s, ‘80s.
Anese: I was thinking of something different. I have not read this. Sorry.
Andy: By Maxwell Marks, something like that.
Anese: Heard of it.
Andy: So basically he was a plastic surgeon and he did plastic surgery for so many
years, got incredibly good at it, and he found something intriguing. What he
found was that there was a portion of his patients who would get plastic
surgery and their entire lives would change. They would completely change
who they were as a person.
There was a group of people who got plastic surgery and nothing changed.
Physically everything changed but nothing internally changed. He became
obsessed with the question what causes the difference. Why does one
person have the same outcome as the other person but have a totally
different experience of it.
He was the first person to really dive in to the construct of identity and how
the unconscious identity controls so much about who we are and what we
believe and how we attract things into our life or how we don’t.
So this question around who am I becoming, when you said that it’s like it
strikes a really deep core with me because I think it’s something that if you’re
not thinking about it, you don’t really know, and that’s kind of scary for me.
Anese: I think that’s so great.
Yeah, I think that’s one of the most powerful questions we can ask ourselves,
right? Because we’re always -- Here’s the thing. We’re always becoming
something so we might as well be intentional about it.
Andy: Yeah. Whether you want to or not.
Anese: Yeah. I mean I’m going to be different a year from now; tomorrow, an hour
from now. After this conversation, I will have become a new part of myself.
We’re constantly becoming, constantly. And so the more intentional I could
be about how I want to show up in that and participate actively in that, then
the better chance I have of creating something that I really want to create.
Versus the default becoming which I become something that I didn’t really
want to be come because I’m so not conscious and intentional about it that I
just keep doing what everybody else keeps telling me to do.
Andy: Mm-hmm.
Anese: Right? I think the question “who am I becoming?” especially when you’re
having a hard time, your answer in that moment might be, “Oh, I’m becoming
a total loser.” Like my life is falling apart. All these things are blowing up. But
that’s not true.
If you can stop and go, “Wait a second. That’s what it feels like right now. It
feels really hard and things are falling apart.” If you can stop and go that’s
what it feels like and that’s what’s happening right now but there’s a bigger
purpose at play here.
You wouldn’t be starting that business. You wouldn’t be the entrepreneur.
You wouldn’t be completing a relationship. You wouldn’t be making the
decision to have children. You wouldn’t be doing these things if there wasn’t
some bigger purpose at play that your soul knew was more important. And I
think if we can tap into that, that’s a nice -- it’s kind of like little anchor.
Andy: It’s power. It gives you a north star, something that constantly reorient
towards.
Anese: Then the other thing, just to add on that, is that if I’ve got who I’m becoming
in my intentions for how I want to show up and who I want to be in a month
from now, or a year from now, or five years from now or whatever. If I’ve got
that, then I can start to look at are the things that I’m doing, are the
behaviors, the actions, the beliefs that I’m holding, are they serving becoming
that person? Are they serving that? And if they’re not then, you know, it just
gives me a little bit more clarity on what I need to take off my plate.
Andy: Say that one more time. Are the things that I’m doing serving --
Anese: Who I’m becoming.
Andy: [unclear 00:21:31].
Anese: Yeah, who I’m becoming. Yup.
If I want to become financially independent, if I want to become a really good
model, if I want to become like the most powerful version of myself, if I want
to become -- whatever it might be. And I start to look at my daily practices
and how I eat. This is where the IEP work comes in, right? Like how I’m
eating, what I put in my body. If I start to look at that, and if those things are
not supporting who I say I want to become, then it gives me a little bit more
perspective where I can either change those things or I might not be -- I need
to look at -- am I being really honest about who I want to become. Do I really
want that or is that something that my mom thinks I should do or you think I
should do. So Andy thinks I should do this so now I’m doing this.
Andy: Yeah, it’s beautiful. It’s infusing your life with intentionality and
consciousness and choice.
Anese: Yeah, absolutely.
Andy: Choosing all of it.
Anese: Absolutely.
Andy: I like it.
Anese: (Laughs)
Andy: I like the ritual thing too. It feels so important. I don’t know how connected
people are on the podcast to rituals or not, but they are significant anchors
for me.
Anese: What’s your favorite ritual you got going on right now?
Andy: My favorite one?
Anese: Yeah.
Andy: Five-minute journal, surprisingly.
Anese: I love that! I love that one. I have that.
Andy: We buy it for all of our new Foundation students. That’s the first thing we do
is we ship them a five-minute journal and it’s something I do every morning
and every night, and then, oh, boom!
And then the other thing I incorporated with it is a dot system. I learned this
from Jon Butcher from Lifebook. Basically what it is -- So if you take an Excel
spreadsheet and on the top you put days 1 through 30, and on the left-hand
column you have the rituals that you want to be doing, that you want to be
tracking.
So on the left-hand column I have my morning of the five-minute journal and
I have meditation and I have work out and I eat gluten-free, dairy-free; write
and then completing the day with -- Oh, and then there’s another one: plan
my top three for the day and then complete the day.
And so all of these things are on the left-hand side and then you have dots in
each columns. So day 1 we’ll have seven or eight dots for the seven or eight
rituals and then at the end of the night you color in the dot for every time
you do it.
It’s the one thing that I found that allows me to get in to the ritual of rituals.
Like the habit of habits.
Anese: That’s powerful.
Andy: So that’s been really, really good for me. What about you?
Anese: My favorite ritual is -- does every single morning -- I have this awesome
crystal that is by my bed. It’s a big citrine. My alarm goes off. I set my alarm
15 minutes early. I lay in bed, I put it on my chest, and I simply set my
intentions. So I think about how do I want to feel today, how do I want to
show up, what are the most important things that need to happen, and I’ll
just kind of use those 15 minutes to kind of think about that and get in touch
with it and I’ll visualize what it feels like. It’s funny because as I’m explaining
to you I’m like, okay, what am I actually doing? Because this become just a
part of my morning.
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: And then I’ll do the five-minute journal. I’ve got the app on my phone. So
then I will grab my phone and it’s the only thing I’ll do now in the morning
with my phone before I’m up. I’ll sit there and I’ll do my five-minute journal
on that phone. So by the time I get out of bed, go get in the shower, go work
out, whatever, I’ve already set my space and I’ve set my intentions for the
day.
The crystal, it was a gift to me. It means a lot. It kind of anchors me. But I’ll
also do the bubbling up which I talk about which you’ve heard about. I’ll
actually envision the bubble and holding my space.
Andy: Can you explain it for everyone listening?
Anese: Oh, sure. Absolutely.
So I think about bubbling up as we all have our own energetic bubble, we
have our own energetic space. Whether you think of it as, like, an aura or I
think of it as a bubble. Basically it’s 18 inches around you: front, back, side,
side, above, and below. Inside that bubble is just your stuff. It’s your creative
energy, it’s your emotions, your thoughts, your dreams. It’s the best of you.
That’s your space. Everything outside the bubble is the rest of the world.
You get to choose, we get to choose what we want to let in and not. And if
you can intend that you’ve got this bubble around you, it gives you the power
just kind of giving you a little bit more space throughout your day. And then
there’s a whole process where you can flash out any junk that’s got in your
bubble and you can bring in more good stuff. There’s a whole meditation
around it.
Just bubbling up like right now.
Andy: I like it.
Anese: You just yawn so right now you just bubble up and here we are.
Andy: I like it. It’s so interesting because, I think, when people slow down and you
think about the times where you’ve seen somebody speaking and you
immediately connect with them before they say a word. Like they’re on stage
and they smile and you’re like, “Whoa!” and you feel drawn in. Or you meet
somebody like that or you see them in the coffee shop and there’s these
pings that we get. There’s no strategy, there’s no tactic, there’s nothing that
you can do aside from intentionally creating it for yourself. It’s so fascinating
to me.
Anese: It is. And we’re moving through. Bringing it back to where we started
originally, you know, how do you show up when things are hard. If you think
about -- we’ve got people and other people’s energy coming at us all the
time.
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: Especially when things feel like they’re really in the muck.
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: Stress is just us taking on other people’s energy. And so if you can use that
bubble, if you can just even in the moment go, “Whoa! I’m feeling
overwhelmed, I’m feeling really …” whatever is happening, you can just
bubble up and get present to, “Okay, where am I in the situation? How am I
holding my space? And what’s actually happening around me?” If you can do
that, then it just gives you a little bit more distance and perspective so you
know -- From that place, I actually can know what are my feelings and what
are my emotions about what’s happening versus what is Andy’s emotions
about what’s happening.
That was, yeah. That was something I really noticed when I was going
through this last year-and-a-half is how many times when somebody would
find out what was happening in my life they go, “Oh my gosh! That’s really
hard.” If I wanted to, I could adopt that, bring that in to my space and I could
go, “Oh my God! It’s so hard.” or I could go, “Wait, how do I feel about this?
Well, actually, I feel pretty good about this right now.” So it’s so important to
hold that space.
Andy: It’s so easy to not. It’s so easy to get wrapped in to what everybody else’s
projections are.
Anese: So easy.
Andy: It’s so important during the rough patches in times because how often do you
go through a rough period all alone where nobody knows about it or you’re
not fighting with anyone or there isn’t -- Almost every time you have a rough
situation, it involves somebody else.
Anese: Yeah.
Andy: Yeah. I think that’s why it’s actually important.
Anese: Wait, you’re making me think as we’re sitting here, we’re talking about how
do you show up when things are hard. The most obvious thing we’re not
talking about is who you surround yourself with.
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: We’re not alone. We might feel like we’re really alone and sometimes we
really are. It’s just like, one, it’s a really private thing or whatever and it really
feels like we’re alone, and we’re at choice around who we surround
ourselves with. So I think that that’s another important piece is regardless of
what’s happening whether it’s business or personal, whatever. It’s noticing
who you’re surrounding yourself with and how are you nourishing yourself in
those relationships.
Andy: Yeah. We went through Lifebook two months ago I told you about.
Anese: Yeah.
Andy: One big shift out of that for me was making a commitment to not hang out
with what I dubbed the 8s and 9s. I think it was the hardest thing because
there’s people that I enjoy hanging out with but I’m not always excited
afterwards, like I’m not always energized.
Anese: Yeah.
Andy: But I would find myself hanging out with people out of convenience or out of
just wanting to do something or not wanting to be alone. Going into 2016, it’s
definitely something to take an inventory of. Like what does your social circle
look like? Who are you spending time with? And then the time that you
spend, how does that affect your energy.
Anese: Yeah. It’s so great. So 8s and 9s as oppose to 10s, right?
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: I’m making an assumption there are 10s.
See, what I love about -- So this is so great, I love it, because a lot of people
would say, “Well, I’m not going to hang out with 4s and 5s.” So you’re just
saying 8s and 9s shows me where you’re at, you know what I mean? So
you’re just saying 8s and 9s shows me where you’re at, you know what I
mean? That’s the standard [unclear 00:30:28]. That’s super cool.
Andy: It was really powerful and then what’s happened has been really interesting
too. I found myself surrounded by more people that I’m fascinated by and I
keep running it.
I was out Saturday night just dancing with some friends and then I ended up
meeting this guy who teaches this system called Higher Alignment which is --
Have you heard of Higher Alignment at all? So this guy, Larry, is the name of
it. When Steve Jobs retook over Apple -- Well, Higher Alignment is a typing
system like Enneagram or Myers-Briggs.
Anese: Oh, okay.
Andy: But it’s all energetic based. When Steve Jobs took over Apple, he did a huge
reorganization and they had about 4,000 people and he hired Larry. Larry
came in and he took 4,000 photos of everybody and reorganized people
based off energy.
Anese: Wow!
Andy: And this is in mid-90s.
Anese: Wow!
Andy: I’m finding things like this, there’s more awesome stuff that seems to be
floating in my life because of it.
Anese: Oh, it’s so cool because you’re attracting what you’re putting out there.
Andy: Mm-hmm.
Anese: So there’s another way of being intentional. You’ve been very intentional
about who you want to hang out with and how do you want to show up. By
holding that state, you’re automatically going to attract the right people too.
Here’s a fun thing. We attract wherever we’re at. So if we’re in a low
vibration state and we’re in a state of it’s so hard, it’s so hard, it’s so hard.
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: We’re going to attract other people that are going to, like, basically support
that and they’re going to create more of that, right? Versus if you’re -- even if
you’re going through the shit and you’re in the muck and la-la-la -- Sorry, I
just said [unclear 00:32:15].
Andy: It’s all good.
Anese: Okay, sorry. I can’t believe I just did that. Sorry guys. I forget we’re on
podcast.
Andy: It’s okay.
Anese: Okay, good. You can bleep me out. Gosh!
So if you’re going through it, right?
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: I can’t believe I just did that. That’s the first time I’ve ever done that.
Andy: You must be really relaxed.
Anese: I’m super relaxed.
So if you’re going through the muck and you’re in the state of you can be in
the muck and also hold -- You know I’m in the muck, it’s really painful and
you could still hold high vibration.
Andy: Yeah. Can you speak a little bit about this? I’m imagining the people who are
here might be listening and when it comes to business, like when it comes to
attracting clients or building the company, like, how -- Like I’m imagining
being like worried about paying bills and then still wanting to have a high
vibration but not be disconnected from reality like --
Anese: Yeah.
Andy: Can you talk a little bit about that?
Anese: Totally. Oh gosh! This is a good one.
Alright. Let’s play that out in real time. So I’m really worried. [Unclear
00:33:16]. I’m really worried about paying bills and the business is really
stressful and maybe I’ve got a bad employer, whatever, and I’m in the muck.
Andy: Totally.
Anese: But I still have to be out there and growing the business and promoting the
business and doing a good job with my clients, right? It’s not about being
inauthentic or pretend like nothing is wrong, it’s about me noticing, “Okay,
I’m in the muck and this is really hard,” and doing the work for myself that I
need to do to process through that. So maybe I’m talking to a therapist, or a
coach, or my friends, or whatever but I’m processing through it and I’m being
in it.
And then there’s a point where I have to reboot, right? And this is where the
presence reboot. We can talk about that a little bit. But I have to reboot and
go in and be on for a client. You know?
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: So there’s a moment of going, okay, this is what’s happening. The more
authentic and real I can be about it, the easier it’s going to be for me to
process that energy, and then the easier it’s going to be for me to go, “Okay,
now it’s game time. I’ve got to go in and I’m going to go work with my
clients.”
Andy: Mm-hmm.
Anese: The presence reboot is basically noticing where you’re at. You’re going into a
meeting with the client and you just had a really bad meeting, right?
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: I notice where I’m at and I’m like “Wow, my energy is really bad. I’m in a
state of blame. I’m in a state of judgment. I’m in a state of …” whatever, fear,
anger.
Andy: Yup.
Anese: And noticing that. And then the next thing is looking out, “Okay, how do I
want to show up in this meeting?” For me to jump into, “Hey there,” “Hi
there,” “Hello there. This is going to be so great,” and “It’s so good to see
you.” The client’s going to see right through that, right? I’m not going to jump
from being in a state of blame and fear into just being in total joy and delight,
right? That would be inauthentic. So instead I’m going to find what is the next
state that I can congruently tap into that’s going to shift my energy. And so
for me --
Andy: Oh beautiful.
Anese: It’s like I’m doing a bunch of things here. But there’s like the presence reboot
and there’s the energetic xylophone, right? What’s the next state that I can
find? And so for me gratitude is always an instant state shifter, curiosity and
contribution but personally.
Everyone listening to this, we’ve all got our own default states that are going
to help us come out of something naturally and it’s worth playing with. But I
know for me gratitude contribution or curiosity.
So if I’m in a state of blame and anger and fear and I go, “Oh, what’s going to
happen in this meeting?” going to curiosity. Or “Oh my gosh! I’m so excited.
I’m so grateful I get to go meet with Andy right now.” Or “How can I
contribute to Andy?” If I can just shift my state and my attention over there,
that is a very congruent way for me to start shifting my energy so that when I
walk in the door, I’m much better able to bring that energy to you and have a
clean place to interact in versus bringing all this other stuff in. Does that
make sense?
Andy: It makes total sense. It makes total sense. I love the framework of what’s the
next single step.
Anese: The next step.
Andy: Not like, “Oh, I have to be on and I have to be bubbly,” and da-da-da but it’s
like what is the next thing that I can be in alignment with.
Anese: Yup.
Andy: Generally that’s always the best answer, you know. Even if you’re in a low
state and you come to the meeting with like, “Hey, this is what’s up for me”
and “I’m here and I’m ready for this but I just want you to know this isn’t my
world,” people connect to that.
Anese: Yeah. Yeah, because you’re real and you’re present. Because what you’re
talking about, again, is coming back to presence.
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: You know? And you’re being conscious about not bringing all this old energy.
I was working with someone earlier today and it was really interesting
because they’re like, “Well, I’m really worried about this,” and “I’m really
worried about this,” and “I’m really worried about this,” and I’m watching
them. We were on Skype. I said, “Okay, stop. Everything that you’re worrying
about right now, that’s so made up. There’s nothing you can do. So your job
is to be present to what’s here right now. And if that thing happens then
you’re going to know what to do with it because you’ll have more energy to
deal with it. But sitting here worrying …” you know.
And so if he brings that energy into his team, into his leadership team
meeting after our call, if he brings that in there, then they’re going to feel
that and they’re going to respond to that and then they’re going to have the
energy to worry. And then the business really isn’t going to do well.
So instead it’s like, “Okay, duly noted. Yes, that’s something to be concerned
about. You want to make sure that that doesn’t happen in the company.
However, sitting and worrying about it, that’s not a productive use of your
time.”
Andy: No, not at all.
Anese: Or energy.
Again, there’s two parts, right? There’s the overall basic spiritual growth
where you’re processing your stuff and you’re being really honest about
what’s happening and that’s kind of behind the scene stuff. And then there’s
the in-the-moment when you have to go and then be with your client or with
your team that you’re doing that reboot so that you can show authentically
and be of service.
Andy: Beautiful. It’s looking at yourself as a performer, you know. When are you on
and when are you off and taking care of yourself.
Anese: And taking really good -- Yeah, because the thing is that even if I do that
xylophone jump and I jump in to curiosity, right? I come in and you and I have
a great meeting. I have to make an agreement with myself that whatever had
me worried and fired up earlier, I’m going to take care of it later.
Andy: Yeah.
Anese: Right? So for this podcast, I might have had something really horrible happen
before we got on the call. I can sit here, be present, show up with you,
whatever. And then when I get off this call, I’m going to want to go take care
of whatever it was so that I don’t rip myself off.
Andy: Yup. Totally.
Anese: That’s the caveat. It’s not about compartmentalizing or pretending like it
never happened, it’s just managing it and how you want to show up through
the process.
Andy: Beautiful.
Oh my gosh, it’s dark out now. We started this conversation …
Anese: It is. It was light. We’re sitting in the dark.
Andy: We’re sitting, yeah, here now. Awesome!
You just published the book Contagious Culture which people may think that
it’s about building culture and it’s not. It’s about really, like, creating your
own sense of IEP, like you said, Intentional Energetic Presence, and
connecting to that and watching how cultures are created out of that.
If people are interested in the book, want to learn more about the work that
you do, where can they find you?
Anese: Well, they can find me at anesecavanaugh.com which you can put this in the
show notes. But they’ll find me at anesecavanaugh.com. They can also find it
at contagiousculture.com. The book’s Amazon, Barnes and Noble, retailers,
[unclear 00:39:40], all those guys have them.
But, yeah, the Contagious Culture part -- it’s a build of a book. So basically it’s
five parts and basically takes the IEP method and The Foundation and then
you as a leader and how do you take care of yourself. And then it builds into
how you use this with your team and then how you do it with your culture.
But, yeah, it’s culture and every sense of the word not just business culture
for sure.
And they can also, Andy, just so you know. You guys also can download stuff
if you go to anesecavanaugh.com. We’ve got tools and resources and a lot of
-- like the presence reboot Andy and I were talking about. All sorts of stuff
that is just free for download but grab the book. Grab the book, download
some stuff.
Andy: Check it out.
Anese: Take care of yourself. Stay in the burn.
Andy: Awesome. Anese, thanks for coming back on.
Anese: Thanks, Andy.
Andy: Talk to you later.
Anese: Bye.
Closing: Thank you for joining us. We’ve taken this interview and created a custom
action guide so you know exactly what action steps to take to grow your
business. Just head over to thefoundationpodcast.com to download it for
free. Thanks for listening and we’ll see you next week.

j